Willoughby: I don’t remember this photo. When did you take it?

E.J.: It was at the Burbank airport, remember? I love this photo. You’re looking at the camera so sweetly.

W: Oh, yes. I remember it now. You were holding a chicken ring next to the lens. PS…You don’t look anything like your photo.

E.J: What do you mean?

W: Uh, well you don’t wear glasses and you have long blonde hair.

E.J.: You think it’s long? Good! I want it to be long and luxurious in time for my brother’s wedding next year. PS…I wear contacts. Without them, I can’t see a thing. And you look like an ottoman.

W: You know you’ve just driven the last nail into your single woman coffin by announcing to the world that you talk to your dog. But as long as we’re pretending, I’d like to have the voice of Ricky Gervais.

EJ: Everyone talks to their dog. Ricky Gervais?! He’s British.

W: So?

E.J.: You were born in Pasadena.

W: But that guy makes me howl with laughter.

E.J.: What about Harvey Fierstein?

W: Who?!

E.J: His rendition of “Matchmaker, Matchmaker“ in Mrs. Doubtfire inspired our favorite game.

W: FIDDLER-ON-THE-ROOF BALL? Yeah, about that…